Parents, We Need You.

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First, yes, it’s been awhile. A lot has been going on over here, including some big decisions that will probably be announced in the June site update.

A recent situation has caused me to take a hard look at the idea of “parent buy-in.” It’s a bit of a buzzword/concept in my field, and it centers around the goal of getting the family invested in our therapy work. Too often, I see parents who simply hand their child/children off to the therapist/interventionist/specialist and basically say, “Here, fix them.”

The truth, parents and guardians, is that we cannot “fix” your child. First of all, many of us don’t really like the idea of “fixing” anyone. It implies that the individual is broken, inferior, or not up to some invisible set of societal standards. Second, we are in your home/community or you are in our office a few hours a week.

In order for your son or daughter to become the best that they can be, they need YOU.

In order for us to be able to find those sparks in your son or daughter, we need YOU.

I always try to tell families at the very beginning that this is a team effort, and everyone must be invested in it. The clients I worked with who blossomed the most were the ones who had the support and follow-through from their parents/guardians, their siblings, and even extended family. The families who were sponges, hungry for information, skills, and concrete examples…these were the cases that led to more fulfilled lives. No, the child didn’t get “fixed.” The child got love and acceptance, and that made them work at becoming more confident, loving, and ready. All children want to receive acceptance and praise from their parents/loved ones, I truly believe that.

When the families meet us at the table, ready to make the world of their family unit a better place, amazing things happen. I’ve seen it over and over again.

I have a saying when meeting families: “My end goal is to essentially be fired because you don’t need me anymore.” I don’t want your family to become dependent on me or my team. I want you to apply learned skills and build relationship bonds so that you don’t need my “expertise” anymore.

Us professionals want to see the child AND the family unit flourish and thrive independent of any services or interventions.

This needs to be everyone’s goal.

black and white boy child childhood
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Settling In

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*Pretty accurate depiction of what the view was like for most of my road trip, give or take a few highway lanes. 

Sorry for the lack of updates! My main focus has been this move from CA to FL, which finally happened late last week. After dwindling my belongings down to whatever fits inside a Mazda 3, driving a huge chunk of I-10, and trying to adjust to the multiple time zones I had just rode/driven through, I am finally feeling a bit more centered.

I stumbled upon this article on girls with autism that I wanted to share. I find it interesting because it is from Australia, and they have developed a separate set of guidelines for diagnosing girls/women on the autism spectrum. Having had autistic girls as clients in the past, their guidelines look pretty spot on to me.

I do believe that it’ll take a special set of guidelines to diagnose girls and women, and I think this will go double for minority girls and women who already tend to get the short end of the diagnostic stick. In any case, it’s a good, quick read and a piece that I think practitioners here in the States should take note of.

Girls with autism flying under the radar

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-04-24/when-mother-and-daughter-are-both-on-autism-spectrum/9662966

This. This is why SPARC exists.

This is why I do what I do, why I want my organization to be successful. Stories like this are the reason why. Your entire life can change when you identify your life purpose and passion.

20-Year-Old with Autism And His Mother Open Bakery to Employ Others On Spectrum

Here is the link to the bakery: No Label at The Table

 

To read my MI Series, which discusses theory of multiple intelligence and the different areas of intelligence, click here. Or, catch up on the first two blogs of the series, Spatial/Visual and Interpersonal.

Female + Autistic = Ignored

Thinking back on all of the clients that I have had, few of them have been both female and autistic. While I have seen numerous mothers who (to me) clearly had the textbook signs of autism, they never had a diagnosis and often presented as more worn and drained than their counterparts.

This is a very real issue in the autism world. I’ve said this before, but looking back at my traits as a preschooler, I had some signs myself. They were never addressed or even brought up aside from one random report. I couldn’t sit still during circle time, had a strange fascination with beating/cleaning the erasers, and played alongside kids rather than with them. I was humorously labeled a “non-conformist,” and that was that.

I’m not saying I’m on the spectrum, but really, how would I know? It’s never been given as a possibility, often because I was too well-behaved (read: quiet), did excellent in school, had friends, etc. The truth of the matter is that the medical and mental health communities do not look for autism in girls/women like they do with boys/men, and this needs to change.

The articles below do a nice job of discussing this further, if you wish to do some more reading into it:

Girls with autism getting a rough deal

Diagnosed at 45 with autism

 

Atypical

Slipping under the radar of nearly everyone I know who works in the autism field, Netflix debuted their show Atypical a couple of days ago. I literally stumbled upon it thanks to an ad before a YouTube video. So today, I watched the first few episodes.

First, I was happy to see that the lead character, Sam, kicks off the series with the decision to get himself a girlfriend. Often in media depicting autistic individuals, they are presented as either asexual, child-like, or something far more sinister. It was nice to see a teenager on the spectrum in media who thinks like a teenager…because, you know, they do that.

Second, it is rare to get a slightly more realistic look at the dynamics of the family like this. This is a bit more raw. You see the mom who is terrified that neither the world or her son are ready to meet each other, the dad who is trying to find his place in his son’s life (and to some extent, his wife’s life as well), and the sister who is embracing her inner Daria while still showing sibling love (and annoyance) for Sam.

Third, we get to see the world numerous times through Sam’s eyes. This is becoming more common in these kinds of narratives. When he gets hurt because of teasing, he doesn’t immediately emotionally react because he is trying to temper the sensory input, which is growing out of control for him. A hurtful sentence (that the girl seemed to think was defending him instead of hurting) pauses the sensory long enough for him to see what’s happening and bolt. I don’t have these sensations, so I don’t know if they nailed it, so to speak.

Fourth, the mom reminded me of so many parents I have met. I’m going to be honest here, just to warn you. On the one hand, I felt annoyance at first because (to me) she was dismissing her son’s desire to be in a relationship by insisting that he wasn’t ready. On the other hand, I still get it. A mom’s job is to love and protect her children, and this mom is trying her hardest to do just that. I could see both sides, and that made the episodes I watched all the more interesting and endearing.

Finally, debate has already started on whether or not Atypical really caught the essence of the life and times of an autistic teenager. So, short review so far: Do I think some things are played up for entertainment purposes? Probably. Does it represent every autism experience? Of course not, nor should it try to. Is it perfect? Nope. Could it be a great dialogue starter? Yes.

I’ve put the trailer for the show below. I would love to hear other’s thoughts about it (the show, I mean). I do plan to continue to watch it, and we’ll see if it gets a second season.