To The Strong Ones

Note: This came to me after reading a message on a Facebook post, and it comes on the heels of two great losses in the entertainment world. That said, this may be triggering for some. Please look upon yourself with compassion as you read it. You are not alone. If you need to talk to someone, please call 1-800-273-8255 (United States). They are available 24/7. 

Hi there.

Yes, you. I see you, by the way. I know you think that no one sees you, but I do. I see you.

I see you wearing multiple hats. I see you being the pillars of strength for your families, your friends, your communities, your countries. I see you wiping the tears of everyone around you, telling them to be strong and face each day with their heads high…you know, like you always do. I see you being the listening ears, the “make it all betters,” the mom and dad sometimes, the dad and mom sometimes, the compassionate daughter, the faithful son…

The Strong One.

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I also see you when you’re alone. I see the tears. I see the frustration. I see the tiny spark of sadness when you don’t get a chance to voice your building anxiety, so you just swallow it and smile. I see the moments that you stare off into nothing, wishing that you could possibly just go to sleep…and sleep…and sleep…and sleep.

I see all of that.

Please know that so many do love you. Do not be afraid to be vulnerable. Even the strongest pillars need support at times, especially when they are carrying the most weight. Do not be afraid to cry, to admit that you have moments of weakness. Those who love you will understand. And most importantly…please don’t feel as if you are all alone. You are not. I see and hear you, and so will those who love you. Reach out.

For those who have a Strong One in their lives, reach back. You may save that person.

I love you all so much.

 

Sincerely,

The Divine/God/Allah/Source/Love/Spirit/Whatever you feel comfortable calling me

 

Be Still

This was inspired by a conversation I had with my grandfather and a video I posted on my Instagram (@sparcguidance) about the same subject.

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I am definitely one of those people who feels like they must always be doing something. If I’m not working, I feel like I’m wasting time and energy. I hate if I oversleep, even if I was up late the night before. Not seeing daily progress makes me antsy. Even if I try to have a PJ Day (you know, staying in your pajamas for the entire day), I feel guilty and stagnant.

As I vented all of these things to my grandfather, he calmly replied, “To me, it sounds like you need to just slow down for a moment. Everyone is always in a hurry to do something. When you get to my age, you’ll wish you sat still more often.”

At first, this made no sense to me. Are you kidding? This is the time to do all of the running, because I certainly don’t want to be trying to “hustle” in my 80’s. Then I thought about it. When we speed ahead, we tend to miss the signs. We miss the signals that the universe is trying to give us. I realized that I had missed a lot of previous signs to slow down. Now, I was in a place where I had no choice but to slow down because nothing was working out the way I wanted it to. Possibly more important, I was so busy trying to race ahead that I was missing a lot of beautiful things along the way. That was what I think my grandfather was really getting at. I wasn’t enjoying the scenery.

So, as we embark on the summer kick-off, take time out to enjoy the season. Literally stop and smell the roses (unless you have allergies like me…then please don’t). Go by the beach to catch the sunrise or sunset. Eat some summer fruit during your break. Above all, take time to be still. We are always running, coming, and going. Surely we can afford a few minutes (or even seconds) to take a breath and be still, can’t we?

Spiritual Guidance

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This was where I started.

Originally, this was the focus and center of this blog; to explore aspects of spirituality and how spiritual guidance works. Over time, and almost in line with my thesis creation, the blog merged with my passion for autism and psychology. This led to the present incarnation of the SPARC site.

As I continued, though, I began to notice something. It was becoming more and more difficult for me to consistently post and engage. It became more like a chore rather than a joy, and this made me step back and reexamine both my professional aspirations and my spiritual ones. To my dismay, they were no longer in sync with each other.

I then abandoned the spiritual aspect almost completely, going as far as to remove my previous spiritual posts completely from the blog. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was erasing a huge part of myself because I thought that I had to in order to assimilate into the autism field fully.

I realize now that this isn’t the case.

I essentially did the very thing that I always advise others not to do: I stopped listening to my own voice. I silenced her for the sake of trying to “fit in” more with the autism services communities, and in doing so I denied myself. In case you don’t know, that’s a huge no-no in my book.

Moving back to Florida led to a type of forced reset. Now almost completely removed from the autism field, I realized that I had gained and given all that I could there. It isn’t so much that I was shut out (although it felt like that at the time), but more like my contribution to that field was about to take another form, a form other than service provider.

I say all of that to say this: Autism will be getting its own page on this site. I will continue to post/blog about it and the possible implications of it with the Multiple Intelligence (MI) theory. I’ve decided, though, that I need to honor that ignored aspect of me. I spent nearly three years studying and giving Spiritual Guidance, and to simply abandon something that brought such joy and completeness to both myself and others is unacceptable. This is where I am being guided to go at this time.

If someone on the spectrum or a family dealing with autism wants to work with me, I will happily do so. Please understand, though, that it will be through this lens of spiritual guidance. To be honest, it always was, I just never truly vocalized it. I am also still open to doing autism education workshops; these will continue in their traditional (non-spiritual) format. I will also continue to examine the MI theory, just with a different lens, so to speak.

In upcoming weeks, I will explain more about spiritual guidance itself on this site. Please feel free to contact me at sparcguidance@gmail.com if you want more clarification, information about my practice, or have some specific spiritual questions.

 

Naturalistic: Connect To Nature

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I’m currently in the process of testing out my Find Your Intelligence assessment, and a peer of mine offered to be a guinea pig. About 10 minutes later, she was staring at me in mild shock over the results. Her top intelligence area was Naturalistic, something that she wasn’t expecting at all.

We talked about what exactly that meant for her. In essence, she is both energized and calmed by being in nature. She spoke of how often she goes into nature to hike, swim, or just walk. As a child, she loved to climb trees and take care of her animals. It was present in nearly every aspect of her life so far, and when those activities were absent, she realized how much more stressful her life would become. In the end, I recommended that she try to do something “in nature” as often as she could during the week, even if it was just a walk outside around the block. A week later, she was still in awe of how she had missed such an obvious aspect of her life and happiness.

For those with naturalist intelligence, nature is like a reset button. I think this is the case for most human beings, but it goes double for those that are high in this intelligence. They need to connect to the living world regularly. It could be as simple as the aforementioned walk, or as intense as snowboarding or mountain climbing. Regardless, it is the interaction with nature that brightens them. For some, it also becomes a focus of exploration and fascination, and they become scientists and educators of nature. Regardless, nature helps them bring out their best.

I am always looking for others to try out the FYI assessment, so you can email me at sparcguidance@gmail.com if you’re curious about it. While there are formal sessions and classes available, I also love just chatting about the MI theory and where other think they fall on it!

So, what are you waiting for, Naturalistics? Get outside!

As 2016 Closes Out…

It has been a busy few weeks, so I apologize for the lack of posts!

I did want to come on and say a HUGE thank you to all of you who read a post or two, liked something, commented, and/or followed me. It has been quite a year, and I’m thankful that you all chose to spend a bit of your time on little ol’ me. I hope to continue to grow this site and its mission of education in 2017, and I look forward to seeing you along the way! I have read some amazing posts and messages from you all, so I hope you continue to speak your truths as well. It is greatly needed and appreciated!

I’m spending the last few days of the year relaxing on vacation in LA, reflecting and planning. Be good to yourselves and take time to recover from the whirlwind that is often the holiday season. Below are a few more articles that I came across that (to me at least) look to end 2016 on a high note in the autism world.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday season, and I wish all of you a joyful and hope-filled New Year. See you in 2017!!

Companies Hiring Workers With Autism

The Sensory Cart

Kaylee sings Hallelujah

New Layout!

So I played around and picked a new layout for the site. If you’re wondering where the pages are, just click the red button in the top right hand corner (it’s in the center if you’re on your phone), and voila! A new page detailing the classes/workshops has also been added.

I am still uncovering the features of this layout, so if you have any questions about it (or can’t find something), please drop me a line and let me know!

Holding Space

Over the last few months, this concept has popped up numerous times in both my professional and personal life. It’s not as straightforward as traditional psychological terms and approaches, but I wanted to speak on my view of it since most of us will be in this situation at some point.

There will be moments where you simply won’t know what to say to a person. Perhaps they just lost someone, or are ranting madly because they’ve been wronged in some way. There’s really nothing you can do to help the situation. So, what do you do?

As a therapist, I’ve had these moments. I’ve had to be the solid pillar while someone’s life was falling apart. I’ve had to break seemingly bad news to parents about their child. I’ve had to sit with a teenager while her brother lay in a hospital, dying. In all of these situations, I had to realize that nothing I say is going to make the situation go away. I can’t remove the pain. The other thing I realized was that I could not bring myself to give some kind of rote response. “You’ll be okay” or “Everything happens for a reason” won’t cut it here.

Here is where the concept of holding space comes in. You simply make that space a container. In these moments, people often just need to express. There is no pressure to think up a solution for the person. They already know that you can’t do anything about it. They sometimes already know that they’ll get through it. In that moment, though, they need to process. They need somewhere safe to vocalize their frustrations, sorrow, confusion, and occasionally socially unacceptable thoughts.

Of course, this is easier said than done. In the therapy field, we are almost programmed to think up solutions, and we may think up some right at these difficult moments. A lot of times, though, that’s not what people need. They need to feel a sense of peace, to know that at their most vulnerable moment, you are making them feel safe. I have been on the flip side of this, where I expected a place to be able to express myself, and instead was reduced to tears by someone who felt that I needed a “reality check” at that moment. No, I didn’t. I needed to process my feelings, and I was demeaned for it. After that, I never trusted that person as a confidant again, and I learned how not to be with regards to future clients.

You don’t have to be a therapist to do this. Sometimes friends and family just need to talk, and maybe sit in silence for a bit. We are often so afraid of silence, when it can be an amazing gift. Silence allows processing, and it allows Spirit to enter the picture. To me, this is holding space: creating a safe, peaceful environment to allow another to process and express…and to allow Spirit to enter and help heal.

Seeking Help

First, I’m fine. The emerging online conversation amongst black men (and men in general) about being able to admit when they need help inspired this post (See #yougoodman on Twitter).

I’m one of those stubborn people who really hates asking for help. I like figuring things out on my own, solving problems, and above all, maintaining my inner dialogue that I have *most* of my life figured out. Asking for help tends to dim that dialogue.

The truth of the matter is, we all need help at some point.

We are taught to think that asking for help is a sign of weakness, of defeat. You couldn’t handle it on your own, so clearly something’s wrong with you. It is one of the main reasons why depression and anxiety run rampant in American culture. Society is very demanding on the human psyche, but no one wants to publicly admit that.

Maybe it’s not depression. Maybe you’re just going through a hard time. That stubbornness will tell you that you can’t ask for help because it will imply that (again) something’s wrong with you, or that you clearly made some bad choices and had this coming to you. By seeking help, however, you are admitting that you want to do better. You want to be better, and you are willing to do what it takes to achieve that.

Yes, your ego may get bruised a bit at first, but by learning to actively seek help you are becoming a more complete you. Maybe you need help with a project from someone more experienced. You can now add that person’s knowledge to your own. If you had a financial hiccup, I am willing to bet that you will more than likely examine ways to not make those same choices. If you feel overwhelmed, seeking professional help will give you tools to address that stress going forward. You have everything to gain.

Those of us in the helping fields made this our life paths for a reason. There are people who live to literally see you do well. Don’t be afraid to seek us out, and don’t be afraid to seek out those right in front of you for help, either.

In the long run, you’ll be glad that you did.

Project Zero

Below is a link to Harvard University’s Project Zero. This is a group/Think Tank whose main focus is on multiple intelligence and its implications, particularly in the educational arena. Howard Gardner himself, who created the Multiple Intelligence theory, is a part of this group. This is a great resource if you want to learn more about the background of my upcoming classes and thesis work. They also have events and projects throughout the year. I may try to attend one next year if I can.

Harvard University’s Project Zero

Also, be aware that if I seem quiet on the posting front, it’s because there is a LOT going on behind the scenes. I am trying to consistently post every Wednesday, and possibly add on Saturday as I get closer to relaunching this site. It is tough balancing an increasingly demanding day job and the launch of my own business, but I’m excited about what’s coming!